Spent some time looking on Reddit. Ran into a very funny post that a fine gentleman wrote talking about if he was an ass because of his bipolar or because he was just an ass. It got me to really thinking about that. It got me thinking about the experience with the pharmacist…the parking lot incident…and most recently today..when I told the old guy to “get your ass out of the way” and then the older woman who I called an “old bag” to her face.
It made me realize that my “filter” is disappearing more and more all the time. I am beginning to lose my cool with people in social interactions.You tie that with my irrationality and irritability and there you have a whirlwind of disaster!!! So what can I do? I think the only answer is to try extremely hard to keep those feelings to my self. I guess if I can’t there will be plenty of stories to tell.
I am in a pretty decent mood. Tired as usual but doing ok. Have found myself being very bored lately. It’s probably because I am in a depressive episode. Nothing is exciting to me currently. The only thing that seems to be of interest is to sleep. I am just existing. A walking zombie among all the other walking zombies. I will probably always be this way until I die. It is a grim reality but the truth hurts..doesn’t it.
I lived my life. It was a different life. Now that life is gone. I search and search for some semblance of that life..but it fades away with every passing day. I don’t know how much more I will make it. Maybe a day..maybe 40 years(please not..Lord)..the moral of the story is that it will be a long life full of anxiety..stress..depression..with tiny bits of happiness sprinkled in. That’s how it’s been lately and the past is a good indicator of the future.
At least we only have two more years to get through..then it will all be better..lol..