February 29 8:51 am

Well..here i am in the full force of another happy monday…yeah…yippee…NOT! Already woke up to find that my Maltese/Pomeranian Cooper..threw up on the bed..poor guy..he only weighs 8 pounds and i gave him too many goodies yesterday..hopefully he yacked all that out..Sadie is going great! She is a Black Lab/Terrier Mix…they are so much fun together…

So…i have had an issue with my eye since last night..i think i got something in there that  is irritating it..i tried to get it out but to no avail. It could just be dried out to. My Lamictal is known for causing dry eyes…but hey..if it can keep me from those damn pesky rapid thoughts all day..then i will deal with some dry..red..eyes..

Funny thing..these drugs..they give them to us as a shot in the dark and have no idea how or why they work. I am on..as i said..Lamictal..which is prescribed for seizures..hey this shit also works for bipolar issues. or at least it seems to..lets find some guinea pigs and try it out. Oh well..at least i don’t live in the middle ages..or hell..the 70’s..when you either got tortured..murdered..or used as lab experiments..lobotomy?  Who’s the dumb shit that came up with that one?..his cure..he should of got one himself..then he could have seen how it feelt to not know your head from your ass!!

*Sorry if my swearing is offensive…if anyone cares to read my posts..this is a problem for me while i am hypermanic..i swear a lot..at least it’s not as bad as some of those Tourettes folk..God bless them one and all!!!

…getting back to today..don’t have too much to do..because i am tired all the time..i do things i can do that day…today..dishes if i’m lucky..i try to get out everyday and interact in a social environment. I usually go out to eat or at least go get my favorite drink..some call it”The Nectar of the Gods”…others may know it as Mountain Dew…it has been my favorite all my life..i often wonder if i like it so much because of the flavor…or i’m addicted..or if it’s as simple as just being the color green..that is my favorite color..eh..i don’t know..not to important…i guess…with that being said..when i am not in the mood for one..it is a clear indicator that i am on the depressive side…

My depressive side is just like a lot of Bipolar 2’s..it’s there much..much..more than my hypermanic side..and as i said before..my hypermanic side is no picnic either..well..most of the time anyway. I had a very unique experience last spring..it was about a year ago..in fact. I was in a complete SEVERE depression..closest i have ever been to suicide in my life!..it had lasted the previous summer into February..btw- i was diagnosed Bipolar 2 last summer after a severe manic episode when i was ready to run off and have an affair with a co-worker who was half my age and newly married..as you can imagine..that led into the severe depression…

..anyway..getting back to the story…last spring..i woke up one morning and things felt extremely different!..i didn’t feel like shit that day..so i decided to go out side and look around..to my utter amazement..i could actually see the sun..it was beautiful!..in fact all the color and smells were so vibrant. I was alive again!!!..i was so happy..this went on for a couple days and then things started to calm down..not depressive but not as intense..i went to my pdoc and she had to bring me down and tell me..i was having a manic episode..and i thought to myself, “Damn..can’t i have anything that is normal..just one Gad Dang Thing”!!!…i feel wonderful..full of life for the first time in years..but sorry sir..you were just experiencing a manic episode..don’t worry it won’t last long….

Well..all i can say to that…is..FUCK YOU!!!!!…………………………….

 

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February 29 8:51 am

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