March 6, 2016, 9:45 p.m.

Sunday night…it was actually a good day..Went to  a family party at Bob’s new house..What a nice pad..i was jealous at first but then i realized it is what it  is..some of us are never to have those kinds of things. I can barely keep above water..i have a modest house and two old cars..i live in an ok neighborhood in a nice town..that’s as good as it’s going to get for me..i least i have come to that realization.

I will live out my life just getting by..giving up on dreams and ambitions.  I have no strength left for those things..i’m basically just here..Bipolar is an unforgiving monster that overcomes and devours you when you can no longer do it..Do i have that one last muster to be my own hero and save the day? i don’t know at this point..it’s to tiring just to think about.

I will come out of this depression some day..if that’s what it is..or hypermania or whatever..whatever it is ..things in my brain will change..maybe peace and harmony will come with it..I would say..i hope so…but it’s too tiring to think about..i am a robot neither living or dead…just rusting in this wasteland….

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March 6, 2016, 9:45 p.m.

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