Silver Earrings

Amazing Poetry! Good work notmydisabilities! You have a wonderful talent and thank you for sharing it with us:)

Beautifully Bipolar

Life slips away, like a leaf down the river

Beautiful at first, but it gets soaked and frail

I’m inside my bedroom

Where I’ve been my whole life

At least is my head

The thoughts of him dying

A man I didn’t know

I’m still okay

Doing alright

Nothing’s the matter with me

I just need to get out

Get some fresh air

Breathe in life as it comes

Until is passes away

Onto a journey to a happier

Place, one I can call mine

I’ll be okay

Try to be alright

Not my fake daddy, not my real daddy

Not my mother and her

Tricks

Telling me news and whispering secrets

Only I could hear

Fresh from my mother’s mouth

Words I wish I understood

I’ll still at bay

Things will be fine

I wake up cold

Ask what time it i

Three days, and sleeping

Is not the…

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Silver Earrings

Thursday May 19, 2016 12:43 a.m.

Man..it’s almost impossible to be Bipolar 2 and keep up on something like a journal..I’m just too damn tired all the time to do it!!! I was kicking butt at the beginning but then realism kicked in and so did my shitty life and here i am so many weeks later trying to catch up!

Things lately seem to be S.S.D.D. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been writing…nothing has really changed..still trying to determine what i need to do to feel life is worth living..I sit here day after day and do the same mundane shit I did yesterday…it’s a repeating cycle.. rinse..wash..repeat..

Believe it or not..I used to be a dreamer..an optimist..a romantic…now i am a shell of what i used to be..every day i tend to care less and less about my life..it must come from 46 years of fighting the demons….

…oh and recently i have been trying to figure out what happened to me when i was a kid…my pdoc and things i keep learning..tell me that i am this screwed up because of that! something happened back in the day that triggered all this shit!!…i mean..i think it was coming because i am genetically akin to this disease through my father..but i think it may have been brought on by abuse i got as a child…i mean i know that i was mentally abused repeatedly for most of my youth…you know the usual stuff..”your not good enough”..”you are too lazy”…”you can’t do anything right”..you know..that kind of shit…what i don’t know is if my father played with my wiener or my mother did or what? I will never know because my father is dead and my mother won’t even admit that i have a mental illness…not even after i had a hospitalization!!! It’s horse shit!!!

The saddest part of all of my wonderful posts 😦 is that my wife doesn’t even know i post these!…i don’t want her too..it is only here where i can say what i really feel…it is only here that i can give a true accounting of my life…as shitty as it is….well…at least i have this…right….

I could have no one to talk to and share my true inner thoughts and feelings…..

SUCKERS!!!!!………….:)

 

Thursday May 19, 2016 12:43 a.m.