Hi all! It’s been a hell of a long time since i last posted and a lot of SHIT has happened. Today’s topic happens to be Love Addiction. Why? Well, i just got dumped by a girl half way around the world that was not my wife. L.A. is defined by the need to feel new love. It’s not sexual. It’s kind of a teenage crush thing. I have experienced it since before i was married 22 years ago. I have probably had at least 8 girls that i had communicated with over my marriage. The worst part of L.A. is that your morals don’t matter. To your mind it really doesn’t matter that you are married with kids! It’s a solid crush! You want to be with that person to hold, kiss, etc,. The scariest part is, the feelings, feel completely REAL! It was ended a week ago when she tweeted me and said she wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship. Just like a crush, you feel rejected and it takes time to get over it. So here i am trying to get over a girl that dumped me, all the while my wife is telling me i cheated. Even now, after a week, i still don’t feel bad about it! The fantasy is still stuck in my head. I still think of contacting her.
I guess what i’m saying, is that, if my brain was “normal” and my morals were intact, i would have never done this. This or the other ones in my past history. At least my wife is understanding, as well as she can, anyway! She has a right to feel the way she does. We went and saw my shrink together today and went over it. I am going into an online addiction therapy.
Just another diagnosis to add to the pile! I think i have about 6 by now! Fun! Fun!
Me and the wife finally had our tri-yearly talk today when we share feelings..yell..get upset..the wife cries…etc,. How did it go you ask…well..let’s see…we decided that i am not the man i was 2 years ago..that i have become mean…that i don’t care..and that she hates me. How is that for a discussion…that’s not all but a big part of it…she thinks that my meds are not helping and that i have gotten worse on them..i told her i didn’t know..they do help with rapid cycling but i don’t know about much else..really.
The worst part of what she said..is that she is right!…I have been a real ASS for two years..She says i am giving up..that after my diagnosis that i don’t care anymore..that i stopped trying..You must understand..2 years ago i had the manic episode that got me diagnosed..however..as you probably know if you are reading this..i have known about it my whole life..i have always BEEN different and i will always BE different..she thinks a new drug will make the difference..i told her..that what she is asking of me is a lot!!! Besides my..Bipolar 2..GAD..and Depression..i have also been diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder..Changing meds is not like going on a walk in the park for me..i am scared to HELL of the side effects i could have from a change.
Anyway..maybe that’s what it will take to keep my marriage..only time will tell on that..i hope it turns out well..but..i am also a realist and know that it may not..i will live with whatever happens.. like i live my life these days..I will continue to wander as a robot in this world of corrosion…
I have a question….Was anybody alive before the internet? i was on a reddit site and somebody asked when people started on the internet…everyone answered that it was in the 90s..00s…i was thinking…HELL…did anyone live before the internet… like i did…or am i the only one?…i remember in high school..we used Apple 2’s with hard and floppy disks…i remember when i graduated from high school..i got a record player with cassette..it was awesome…scary thing is…i am not that old….
Anyway….just a thought…..